HEIDI - noun. Greeting.
HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: Heidi, hire yew?
BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck and I ain't herd from him in munts."
THANK - verb. Ability to cognitively process.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
BARE - noun. An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
RANCH - noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
FAR - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."
TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
TIRE - noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
RETARD - Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
FAT - noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat.
2. to engage in battle or combat.
Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."
RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."
FARN - adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed....
mus' be from some farn country."
DID - adjective. Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."
EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen.
Usage: "He cain't breathe....give 'im some ear!"
BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
JEW HERE - Noun and verb contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"
HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah....haze ignert.
He ain't thanked but a minnit 'n 'is laf."
SEED - verb, past tense of "to see".
VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City....view?"
GUMMIT - Noun. A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert."

~ Southern Sayins ~

She's meaner than a sack full of rattlesnakes.

Wild as a peach orchard hog.

"Bubba's so buck toothed he could eat corn on the cob through a key hole."

Slicker than a chased greased hog.

"No more pie for me, Ma, I'm full as a tick!"

Ol' boy's tough as whit leather.

Slick as an eel.

He ran like a scalded dog.

Fat as a tub o' lard.

Cold as a well digger's tail.

Well color me stupid!

Hotter than a 2 dollar pistol.

"Emma Sue, I reckon a love like ours is as scarce as hen's teeth."

He's nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full o' rockin chairs.

Jim Bob's so dull he couldn't cut hot butter with a knife!

"Emma Mae's new hat's as purty as a speckled pup."

He's tougher than a one eared alley cat.

Boy Howdy! She was madder than the snake that married the garden hose!

"Jed done gone and got yankee rich."

He's older than the mountains and got twice as much dust.

He's faster than greased lightning.

Jethro's dumber than a box of rocks.

He's so poor he'd have to borrow money to buy water to cry with.

She's so ugly she'd run a dog off a meat wagon.

He's as sorry as a two dollar watch.

Better than snuff, ain't half as dusty.

Busier than a one-legged man in a butt kickin contest.

Slicker than deer guts on a skinnin' knife.

She's limber as a dishrag.

"I'd be happier than a coondog on a bare leg, if you'd marry me, Betty Sue."

Mama, he's been beat with a big ole ugly stick.

He's slicker than snot on a doorknob.

That just plum curdles my guts!

That new wool sweater's rough as a cob.

The po-leece are on to us like stink on a polecat!

"I'm just plain plumb tuckered out today."

Well cut off my legs an call me shorty!

That was slicker than clean socks on a waxed floor!

This Summer's hotter than butter on a biscuit!

"I'm lower'en a snakes belly in a wagon rut, since my Loretta done left me."

Well hush my mouth!

Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit!

It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch.

He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!

She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm.

Don't pee down my back and tell me it's rainin!

He's as country as cornflakes.

This is gooder'n grits.

If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.



~ Things you won't hear a redneck say ~

Duct tape won't fix that.

We don't keep firearms in this here house.

Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?

Ya cain't feed that to the dog.

I thought Graceland shore was tacky.

No kids in the back of that there pick-up truck; it aint safe.

Wrasslin's fake.

We're vegetarians.

I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.

Who's Richard Petty?

Gimme the small bag of pork rinds.

I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

Trim the fat off that thar steak.

The tires on that thar truck are too big.

Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

Would you like your fish poached or broiled?

Little Debbie snack cakes way have too many fat grams.

Unsweetened tea tastes better.

I've got it all on a floppy disk.
(unless yer one of them hi-tech rednecks!)

She's too dern old to be wearing that bikini!

Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we aint seen yet!

I don't have a favorite college team.

I believe you cooked them thar green beans too long.

Those shorts ought to be a lil' longer, Daisy.

Elvis who?










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